A Little Bit of Chaos

Stupid Me

2006-12-10T01:43:00.000-06:00

So at times I swear I have IDIOT stamped across my face. Why do I always end up letting my guard down with jerks? Maybe its just how my life is suppose to be...
so my lasted episode of stupidity happened not only once but twice tonight. This guy at the party I was working kept flirting with me. So of course I decided to have some fun. Well when the party as over he invited me to come the bar with him and his friends. He kept insisting that I wasn't going to even show up. In reality I wasn't planning on it but then I decided what the hell ... Why not. So I went to the bar and everyone else from the party was there except him. I waited around for awhile and then decided to leave. Stupid me thinking that he was actually interested and wanted to hang out more.
Then I put my foot in my mouth ... So I am dropping off the pictures from earlier that night and "the guy" was there. We chatted for a few minutes and then I just made a fool of myself ... again. I asked him if he wanted to get food and it seemed like a good idea but when I came back out he was like I'm really not that hungry and I was planning on dropping this off at my girlfriends. I felt like such a fool and I could hear the disappointment in my voice. This is a guy I really liked but I wouldn't allow myself to let my guard down enough to find out if we could be more than friends. And now I feel as if I missed my chance because he is dating someone now. For some reasons nice guys never win with me.
I really wish that at times I wasn't such an IDIOT.

i wanna be a celebrity ... not !

2006-10-13T23:33:00.000-05:00

an update ...

2006-08-15T02:05:00.000-05:00

So have you ever visited another blog and been like ... ughh they haven't updated yet? Well I have - quite often. And of course in my boredom I was browsing through blogs/journals and was like they haven't updated in forever. But then the realization hit me that I myself never update my own blog anymore. So I am gonna try but my life is very dull and boring. So we will see how this goes.

no more curls

2006-05-25T23:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I took Andrew to get is first haircut. we went to a place called Cool Cuts 4 Kids. They had him sit in a fire truck car and put Elmo on for him to watch on TV. He sat still the entire time giving the lady cutting his hair weird looks every once in a while (he was like what are you doing to me ... I am trying to watch Elmo here ... so move out of my way.) But in the end he looks cute but there are no more curls :( Hopefully they grow back.

time for summer ...

2006-05-19T22:35:00.000-05:00

My life has been so crazy lately. But school is over till August and I am not taking any classes this summer. :) But I am going enjoy the summer and travel and hopefully get my own house. So it will still be a crazy summer but at least I won't have to worry about being up till 4 a.m. just to finish an art project.

need to vent

2006-05-07T22:49:00.000-05:00

But i can't to any of you because all i do is complain. So I will find someone else to vent to because obviously i am not able to do that with you guys anymore.

my new toy ...

2006-04-15T00:08:00.000-05:00

So I decided to apply for a Circuit City Credit Card today thinking I won't get approved or if I do it will be for like $500 or something ... but no I was approved with an amount greater than the cost of a Nikon D70s plus protection plan, 2 gb scan card and accessory pack. So I do want anyone would do and buy it. So now I am the proud owner of my very own D70 ... I am so excited. I love this camera and have wanted one since I started taking pictures on a regular basis for the U.News more than two years ago. I was planning on buying it the summer after graduation ... but my life decided to give me a little surprise. So almost two years later I finally was able to purchase the camera that I have saved up for and wanted for so long. I am soo excited and now I don't have to go borrowing equipment everytime I want something that takes good pictures. So if anyone knows anything or anybody that wants to be my subject(s) for my newest toy I will be more than happy to take some more pictures.

too hetic to even update ...

2006-04-10T04:01:00.000-05:00

i never update this blog or the other ones anymore ... i never seem to have the time anymore ... I am only on here now cause I am waiting for paint o dry so i can finish my design project. Its 4 am and i am wide awake playing with paint, knifes and rubber cement - what fun :)

do this one too ...

2006-02-16T23:05:00.000-06:00

this one is about my faults ...

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=merkelet

i wanna know ..

2006-02-16T19:54:00.000-06:00

Go here and fill this out ...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=merkelet

flowers ...

2006-02-14T00:08:00.000-06:00

So I just spent $50 on flowers for my mom for Valentine's Day and of course they are from Andrew. I had to get them from Nettie's as well because they were the only ones that would deliver this late for tomorrow ... I hope she likes them.

When its dirty throw it in the bathtub ...

2006-02-06T11:13:00.000-06:00

Andrew (aka the terror of tiny town) is into everything. He is very bright for his age and associates being dirty with the bathtub. So when I take off his clothes and tell him they are dirty they wind up ... yep you guessed it in the bathtub. Well this morning I am taking a shower and he of course being the water baby that he is wants in. I told him he wasn't dirty and he didn't need a bath ... and the next thing I know he is coming at the bathtub with his clothes in his arms trying to throw them in. Well I took them away threw them across the room and continued with my shower. At that point he decides not only to try to get the clothes in again (which he succeeded in) but also has taken off his diaper and is trying to climb into the bathtub. Needless to say I finished my shower turned the bath water on and let him play in the tub for a few minutes. What a silly boy I have. The scary thing is he isn't even one and knows how to take off his clothes ... beware of the naked terror of tiny town. :)

i hate my fucking life ...

2006-01-22T19:24:00.000-06:00

What a Busy Week...

2006-01-13T00:17:00.000-06:00

and its only thursday! Work is keeping me busy as I have had a jammed packed week full of fun and not so much fun.
Monday was our MLK Press Conference, and there was a good turn out. The only thing that sucked is I got a parking ticket at the City Hall Parking Lot (still unsure of how this happened).
Our Fit for Life program was featured as the Healthbeat with Kay Quinn last friday evening and in the St. Louis Post Dispatch Healthy and Fit Section this past Monday. Since then the phones have been ringing off the hook and people are signing up for the program like crazy. The most popular spots are filled and won't open up again till the end of the month and its frustrating to them. But what drives me crazy is the member service associates seem to think I have all the answers and forward the calls to me, just because I do alot of the work on this program doesn't mean I have all the answers.
The rest of the week I worked with UPN's production crew to plan a commercial that was shot yesterday. I hope it turned out good as I had to speak and Andrew was in the shot with me. At least I know one shot was diversied but I am not a camera person so this was rather difficult. I can always tell Andrew he started his "acting" (over my dead body) career early.
In addition I went to Infuz open house thursday evening and had lots of fun. Jenny works at a really cool office that reminds me of a club scene.
I am just glad that I have tomorrow off then its time for APO regionals at SLU this weekend where I get to see old friends and take tons of pictures. I probally should go to bed but for some reason I am not that tired maybe its because the terror of tiny town was sound asleep passed out on his stuffed puppy dog when I got home tonight, so I didn't have to drain my engery getting him to sleep.

restless nights ...

2006-01-04T21:39:00.000-06:00

I haven't really slept the pat few days and I don't know if this head cold I have is a factor or not. But what I do know is I am having weird and strange dreams that jump from place to place and people to people and the "asshole" is in many of them. Usually my dreams mean something and I am just a little afraid of what is to come if he is in my dreams again.

Changes ... : - /

2006-01-01T01:57:00.000-06:00

As I was out tonight I observed alot of things and the biggest is I don't fit in anymore. All my friends have changed and as hard as it is to admit I have to. Our lives have grown apart and the friendship we once shared is no longer there. As I sat on the bed with people I believed to have opened their arms to me and gave me a home in their chapter I no longer saw the bond we once shared. It pains me that those that I once considered my closest friends are no longer there. Every time I think about the friendships that I held so dear to me and realize they are no longer there ... I feel as if my heart is being stabbed into and torn apart. I realize that I am all alone in this world.
Now don't get me wrong ... you guys have been some of the greatest friends but we became closer after my life changed. The people I would trust my life with are you guys but it hurts me soo much that these other friends are no longer there.
Maybe this is the way life is suppose to be and they are supose to just be a memory in my life nohing more nothing less.

art but no photography ...

2005-12-30T09:38:00.000-06:00

I finally decided what classes I am going to take this spring. Only five art production hours (design 2 and quark/indesign) and no photography classes this semester. In addition I am taking visual language, principles of marketing and children's literature. The marketing course is going to help me decide if that's what I should pursue in Grad School or not. And the literature class is just for fun.
So after this semester I will still have to take drawing 1, drawing 2 or figure drawing, photoshop 2, digital photography, artificial light, color photo and I think at least one other photo class. I plan on taking one of the drawing and possibly a photo class this summer. But I think I am planning on starting grad school this upcoming fall and I want to take 2 classes there and at least one photo class. At times it seems like I am wasting my life away in school but I am determined to finish this degree in less then four years as its only 68 hours.

why didn't we think of this ...

2005-12-29T22:08:00.000-06:00

a million dollar website ... now that's my idea of money

A $1 million Web idea, one pixel at a time
British man dreams up unique way to finance university
LONDON - If you have an envious streak, you probably shouldn't read this.
Because chances are, Alex Tew, a 21-year-old student from a small town in England, is cleverer than you. And he is proving it by earning a cool million dollars in four months on the Internet.
Selling porn? Dealing prescription drugs? Nope. All he sells are pixels, the tiny dots on the screen that appear when you call up his home page.
He had the brainstorm for his million dollar home page, called, logically enough, www.milliondollarhomepage.com, while lying in bed thinking out how he would pay for university.
The idea: turn his home page into a billboard made up of a million dots, and sell them for a dollar a dot to anyone who wants to put up their logo. A 10 by 10 dot square, roughly the size of a letter of type, costs $100.
He sold a few to his brothers and some friends, and when he had made $1,000, he issued a press release.
That was picked up by the news media, spread around the Internet, and soon advertisers for everything from dating sites to casinos to real estate agents to The Times of London were putting up real cash for pixels, with links to their own sites.
So far they have bought up 911,800 pixels. Tew's home page now looks like an online Times Square, festooned with a multi-coloured confetti of ads.
"All the money's kind of sitting in a bank account," Tew told Reuters from his home in Wiltshire, southwest England. "I've treated myself to a car. I've only just passed my driving test so I've bought myself a little black mini."
The site features testimonials from advertisers, some of whom bought spots as a lark, only to discover that they were receiving actual valuable Web hits for a fraction of the cost of traditional Internet advertising.
Meanwhile Tew has had to juggle running the site with his first term at university, where he is studying business.
"It's been quite a difficulty trying to balance going to lectures and doing the site," he said.
But he may not have to study for long. Job offers have been coming in from Internet companies impressed by a young man who managed to figure out an original way to make money online.
"I didn't expect it to happen like that," Tew said. "To have the job offers and approaches from investors — the whole thing is kind of surreal. I'm still in a state of disbelief."

toys ...

2005-12-27T06:51:00.000-06:00

that make noise should be banned from existence. I have heard the ABC song sooo many times this past week between Andrew's learning tool bench and table. UGHHH I just want to scream as they are just annoying especially when you have this horrible headache. Thus no toys that make noise for his birthday ... please he got enough for Christmas (watch me say this and be the first to buy he some loud annoying toy like this for his birthday.)
I don't think he likes his chasing monkey toy though because he keeps picking it up and throwing it at me. Its actually kinda funny because he will go to wherever it is pick it up and walk over to me and when he is about an arms length or so away he throws it to me like I should play with it. So I of course not wanting anything to do with his toys put it back down and once again this process takes place again. It went on forever until I finally got enough of it and put the toy under the tree out of his reach.
If you thought Christmas was along day the day after seemed even longer.

All I want for Christmas ....

2005-12-26T12:19:00.000-06:00

is my two front teeth. And surprisingly that is just what Andrew got it. Let's just say if teething is this bad with the rest of his teeth and they were with his two front teeth the next year is going to be loads of fun.
Besides getting his teeth Andrew also got tons and tons of toys. Yesterday was a long day and the only nap he got was when we were eating at my grandma's house. The morning started out with Andrew looking at the snow, it was so pretty before it started to melt into an icky mess. I wasn't allowed to let him see what Santa left for him because we were running late and had to get to my sister's for Christmas breakfast. But he did get to look in his stocking which was filled with some roll arounds and peek a blocks, some books, a monkey rattle and a sippy cup.
At my sister's we ate then opened presents (and yes he did say presents) he loved the tree house toy that grandpa got him and the sports center from my sister. The tree house came with these roll around balls and my brother decided to teach him how to throw (he did a pretty good job at it as later that night at home he was throwing them all around). Besides that their were lots of clothes and books. Grandpa also got him this neat little fire truck book (its a stuffed fire truck with a book attached.) My aunt gave him this little blue car that he played with for quite some time. And my grammy gave him his present early as she made him a stocking and gave him a baby's first ornament. After that we attempted to clean up and get Andrew to take a nap.
But like Andrew is that nap didn't happen till we got in the car to go to grandma's. There he got to play with the cousins and it was fun time. Especially when the confetti was thrown all over the room. The Andrew (10 months) and Emyle (14 months) had a ball throwing this at each other. He got this little fire truck ride along toy that my cousin Emyle wanted instead and he actually enjoyed hers more. He also got some blocks and caterpillar roll around toy. It was a long three plus hours at the grandparents and by the time we got ready to go Andrew was fussy and being a crabby baby.
When we get home we brought him straight into our room so he does not see that Santa Claus was there while we were gone. When we tell him that Santa came by and left him presents his eyes lit up and he got all excited. We walked down the hallway and I let him go about 10 feet from the tree and you should have seen how he ran to get there. It was so funny. The first toy he picked up was his chasing monkey and since he couldn't figure that out he left tit be and went in his monkey crawl towards the learning table (which he loved I eventually had to take it away from him so he could open his other presents.) He got some baby Einstein Cds and DVDs (don't watch baby Santa as it is horrible) lots of books, some space Pjs, some weebles, a huge stuffed puppy dog and this stuffed fire hydrant that when you open it up has about seven other stuffed toys inside. By this time Andrew was getting pretty tired but still had a ton of gifts to open so we kinda just opened them for him. I have to say the best part of the night was when he curled up with his bottle laying on his puppy dog and feel asleep.
Yesterday was a long day ... but in the end very fun as I think Andrew walked more yesterday then he has thus far.

anywhere but here ...

2005-12-20T23:42:00.000-06:00

enough said

Finished ... for now

2005-12-17T11:34:00.000-06:00

Remind me never again to try and take 14 hours of classes (8 of which where art production classes) in one semester. I am finished though ... finally and somehow I managed to survive with decent grades 4 A's and a B. The B is in photography which sucks because I know I am capable of A quality work but I don't have the time. As far as next semester goes I haven't signed up for any art production classes yet only visual language and principles of marketing. Well I gotta go clean up the art mess I left lying around the house this morning before I went to class.

I actually killed the wheels not the tire

2005-12-12T22:44:00.000-06:00

So my tires are fine ... the wheels are the other hand are not. I killed them yes all four of them needed to be replace. That and my brakes - and possibly the ruthers (but I find this hard to believe because my car was just inspected two months ago and nothing was wrong with the brakes then). I didn't make a claim to my insurance for this either because my deuctible is $500 and the new wheels are $700 so a $200 claim isn't worth an increase in car insurance. Because brakes are not covered in accidents.
So there goes my savings again ... I think I am cursed to never be able to save up enough money for the digital camera I want.

killed the tire ... could have been much worst

2005-12-11T11:37:00.000-06:00

I really don't know what happened one second I was switching lanes to get off at Grand from Market/Forest Park and the next I was hitting the divider head on. I am lucky that all I did was kill the tire last night as the tire suggests it could have been a lot worse.
I pulled over to the side of the road and it didn't seem like there was any damage but it was really dark so I pulled into the "ghetto" shell station (its actually not so ghetto anymore but that is what it was called when I was at SLU). All of a sudden before I even get out of my car to check for damages in a lighted area I have about four homeless people approach me and offer their help. They seemed really nice but I have had experience with homeless and tire changing before and I wasn't about to experience that again.
So I drove down to the Village apts. and there my friend Stuart and his awesomeness helped me change the tire.
It was pretty bad and I destroyed not only the tire but the rim as well. But like I said it was only a tire I could have killed the car or much worse myself.

I wanna a vacation ... From life

2005-12-11T11:10:00.000-06:00

I would like to just pack my bags and leave. Go anywhere but here. I need a vacation from life. But I also know that I can't do this so I am stuck in St. Louis trying to figure out what I want to do.
work is my love/hate relationship there are times when I love being there and then there are times when I would rather be anywhere but there. I have worked my ass off for this job and I really am starting to question myself again as if it is really worth it. My school work is suffering because of the job as I have missed so many classes. And the promise of full-time in January is a no-go. I wanna write or take pictures but I am unable to find a job to do such this. Taking pictures on the weekends is great but that is what I would like to consider my social time as it is the only time I ever get out anymore.
I am so stressed out and at times I feel as if I am living in someone else's life. So I can in my vacation ticket ...yet?