i hate my fucking life ...

What a Busy Week...

and its only thursday! Work is keeping me busy as I have had a jammed packed week full of fun and not so much fun.
Monday was our MLK Press Conference, and there was a good turn out. The only thing that sucked is I got a parking ticket at the City Hall Parking Lot (still unsure of how this happened).
Our Fit for Life program was featured as the Healthbeat with Kay Quinn last friday evening and in the St. Louis Post Dispatch Healthy and Fit Section this past Monday. Since then the phones have been ringing off the hook and people are signing up for the program like crazy. The most popular spots are filled and won't open up again till the end of the month and its frustrating to them. But what drives me crazy is the member service associates seem to think I have all the answers and forward the calls to me, just because I do alot of the work on this program doesn't mean I have all the answers.
The rest of the week I worked with UPN's production crew to plan a commercial that was shot yesterday. I hope it turned out good as I had to speak and Andrew was in the shot with me. At least I know one shot was diversied but I am not a camera person so this was rather difficult. I can always tell Andrew he started his "acting" (over my dead body) career early.
In addition I went to Infuz open house thursday evening and had lots of fun. Jenny works at a really cool office that reminds me of a club scene.
I am just glad that I have tomorrow off then its time for APO regionals at SLU this weekend where I get to see old friends and take tons of pictures. I probally should go to bed but for some reason I am not that tired maybe its because the terror of tiny town was sound asleep passed out on his stuffed puppy dog when I got home tonight, so I didn't have to drain my engery getting him to sleep.

restless nights ...

I haven't really slept the pat few days and I don't know if this head cold I have is a factor or not. But what I do know is I am having weird and strange dreams that jump from place to place and people to people and the "asshole" is in many of them. Usually my dreams mean something and I am just a little afraid of what is to come if he is in my dreams again.

Changes ... : - /

As I was out tonight I observed alot of things and the biggest is I don't fit in anymore. All my friends have changed and as hard as it is to admit I have to. Our lives have grown apart and the friendship we once shared is no longer there. As I sat on the bed with people I believed to have opened their arms to me and gave me a home in their chapter I no longer saw the bond we once shared. It pains me that those that I once considered my closest friends are no longer there. Every time I think about the friendships that I held so dear to me and realize they are no longer there ... I feel as if my heart is being stabbed into and torn apart. I realize that I am all alone in this world.
Now don't get me wrong ... you guys have been some of the greatest friends but we became closer after my life changed. The people I would trust my life with are you guys but it hurts me soo much that these other friends are no longer there.
Maybe this is the way life is suppose to be and they are supose to just be a memory in my life nohing more nothing less.